Live Like You Were Dying…
With one hand gripping my backpack and the other clenched around the holy sh!t handle, I held my breath as the van almost tilted off its wheels. With each hairpin turn the driver, of the shared ride service from Cusco, dropped us further into the depths of the Sacred Valley. A vision of us tumbling end over end through the dust and yellow grass flashed through my mind, but at that precise moment, my iPod shuffled to a Tim McGraw song I hadn’t heard in years.
As I stared at a perfect blue sky, I forgot my fear and the lyrics took me back to October 27, 2009.
“A moment came that stopped me on a dime. I spent most of the next days, looking at the xrays. Talking about the options and talking about sweet time. How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?…
I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying. And he said, some day I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying…and I took a good long hard look at what I’d do if I could do it all again…live like you were dying…like tomorrow was a gift and you’ve got eternity to think about what’d you do with it. What did I do with it? What would I do with it?”
The moment you hear those three little words, “you have cancer”, your life changes forever. You can never go back to the person you were before. You can only move forward and hope that when you come out the other side of treatment, you have plenty of time to live like you were dying.
My time in Urubamba, Peru with ProWorld continues to provide once in a lifetime opportunities to do just that. Every day, I experience childlike wonder over the beauty around me and a sense of deep connection with the stoic and warm people in the local communities, the dedicated ProWorld staff, and my fellow volunteers.
Last Tuesday, I fell in love (yes, for the 100th time since I left Canada) with a group of pinanta decorating kids. As I watched their eyes light up for the 9-month ProWorld volunteer alum who started a youth group in the tiny town of Media Luna, I had to keep clearing my throat to camouflage the emotion induced tightness held inside.
On Thursday, a 3-hour, postcard worthy, drive through the Andean Mountains brought me to the village of Canas (and probably the highest elevation I’ve ever experienced at 3811 meters – 12,503 feet) where I had the opportunity to participate in a TOMS shoes distribution day with a team of ProWorld volunteers from Cusco (hence the need to use a shared ride service for the hair raising ride back to Urubamba).
Then, on Friday afternoon, I hiked back up to Chicon (the community that only took 3 seconds to welcome me to the fold) and stepped into the dim interior of a hillside home. A coat draped across an overturned milk carton provided a comfortable seat and a plate of chicken and potatoes immediately landed in my lap. As I watched a toddler stir the chee-cha (beer made from corn or fruit) in a giant plastic bucket and listened to the words of thanks from a woman with long charcoal braids and a ragged apron, I couldn’t even attempt to hold back the tears. The love between the volunteer, the volunteer coordinator, and the women of this community lay thick in the air. As I snapped a few shots of the laughing, crying, and dancing at this despidida (goodbye party) for a 9-month volunteer returning back to the United States, all I felt was gratitude that I could share this once in a lifetime experience with them.
To round off an incredible week, I spent the weekend surrounded by revellers during one of the biggest festivals of the year and then woke up early on Sunday morning and huffed and puffed, through the brilliant sunshine, up the switchbacks on a cliff overlooking the valley. More than once, I contemplated turning back and then remembered how it felt to huff and puff from my bedroom to the kitchen during cancer treatment. So I pushed forward and was rewarded with a 360* view of Urubamba, more beautiful than almost any vista I have ever seen. My face split into a mammoth grin and I just might have thrown my hands in the air in a victory salute. A salute to life. To adventure. To believing that crazy post-cancer dreams can come true.
Sure, on this trip around the world, I have frightening moments (often in rapidly moving vehicles), but then I remember how lucky I am to be alive and writing these words to you today. Am I scared a reoccurence of breast cancer might catch up with me eventually or my high risk of ovarian cancer might be jockeying to take me out? Absolutely. I don’t think you can ever make those fears disappear entirely. But, instead of focusing on what could happen, I plan to keep on “living like I was dying”.
What about you? Have you recently made a decision (big or small) to live like you were dying? I would love to hear about it…
I had a hard time narrowing down my pictures to share just a few more from my time here in Urubamba.
Comments (15)
Fabulous pictures! I also saw the recent pics of you on Facebook and you are looking fantastic – this adventurous life is certainly agreeing with you Terri! I have always liked the lyrics of this song too and now I have them going round in my head after reading this post 🙂
Thanks so much Marie. I can’r wait to meet up in person and share stories. Sending you big love from Costa Rica.
Hi Terri,
Another wonderful thought provoking article, thankyou, such a piece can really make one think and empathise with someone receiving that news.
(With the luxury of not hearing it!) does that make sense?
I can’t even remember how I happened across your site, but glad I did, keep up the great work! bye for now. David
Thank you so much David. Your comment absolutely makes sense. I’m so glad we connected too!
I agree with Marie. These pics are simply fabulous. Thanks, Terri, for sharing such a rich part of the world with us and gifting us with your superb writing to accompany the visuals. Nicely done. xx
Thanks so much Jan. I’m so happy I got to bring you along with me to Urubamba. It’s one of the most special places in the world. Big hugs! Terri xo
Just gorgeous, Terri. I wish I were there right now.
jms
Thanks Jody – I hope one day we can work on a project in Peru together! Can’t wait to catch up soon.
Terri
Terri,
What a great post! I have to say, I think Peru was my “live like you were dying” moment. Before I packed up and went, it was a “someday” pipe dream. But I lost a dear friend suddenly at 18 so I’m constantly trying to remind myself to live like its my last day. Thanks for the reminder (and awesome pics)!!
Kassi – Thank you so much for sharing. I’m happy we had the chance to connect when we were both living like we were dying. Hope you are re-adjusting to life, state side! Big hugs. Terri
i worked as in intern with proworld in urubamba in the summer of 2010. i miss it so much!! i’m glad you had (and maybe are having if you are still there!) a blast. i miss the area very much… the community is lovely and inviting isn’t it? its funny b/c many of your pictures are very similiar to mine… especially the cross pictures. i don’t know how many times i took that hike. love it!!! congrats on your survivorship. i work for susan g. komen in tennessee. 🙂 what you are doing is so great and inspiring. keep it up!
Katie – Thanks so much for the note and it was really nice to hear from you. Urubamba is really wonderful, isn’t it? I’m so glad you had the chance to work with ProWorld and I’m happy we connected. I’d love to hear more about your new role, if you want to send me an email to connect. All the best from CR! Terri
Speechless. I continue to follow your every move Terri. I look forward to connecting with you when you are “home”. Soon?
Deb
Deb – I love hearing from you and would love to catch up. I’m heading back to Vancouver for a few days at the end of June/beginning of July and then it’s up North for my brother’s wedding. We will definitely have coffee soon. I want to hear all of the latest from your world too! Terri
[…] five weeks of life amidst the clouds in Peru, my body is still adjusting to the steam room conditions here in Quepos, Costa Rica. Even the violent […]