“…before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we move towards that dream. It’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.'” ~Paulo Coehlo – The Alchemist

It’s confession time on the big-dreaming front.

I cried. At Starbucks. 

It happened on a balmy morning in LA last month. I ordered my morning latte, sat down at a high-top table, opened my laptop, and then couldn’t get online. Tears – hot and uninvited – spilled onto my cheeks. The whir of grinding coffee beans and the buzz of early morning chatter felt suffocating as I pretended to be fascinated with the cardboard sleeve on my cup so the West Hollywood patrons wouldn’t notice me crying.

“Who cries about not getting online?” you ask.

A burned-out dream chaser who has lived out of a suitcase for almost two years and who just realized she knew so much less than she thought she knew about launching a foundation and getting sustainable funding in order to keep going.  That’s who.

Maybe you can relate to that end-of-your-rope feeling. When something you have been working on for such a long time suddenly feels like it will NEVER come together. When your emotions are running so high that you feel like a pressure cooker without an escape nozzle? As I wiped my eyes with the scratchy brown napkin and bit the inner side of my cheek, I forced myself to close my laptop, take deep breaths of the espresso-laden air, and stare at the mural on the wall until the lump in my throat finally subsided.

A few days later, I came across the above quote from the Alchemist (one of my favorite books) and it resonated so strongly with me that I began sharing it with other big dreamers I have met along the way. ‘It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one dies of thirst when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’

Powerful metaphor, isn’t it?

Chasing dreams isn’t easy. But, when you feel lit up by something and you know (and I’m talking deep in your bones know) you have to keep going – no matter what – then you accept that sometimes you’re going to cry (and sometimes it might even happen in a public place).

If you’re lucky, you’ll wake up the next morning and ask yourself, “What can I do TODAY that will bring me an inch closer to this dream becoming a reality?” An inch. That’s it. Because if you can move one inch closer to fulfilling your dream then you’re less likely to ‘die in the desert with the palm trees on the horizon’.

It’s no fun falling off the cliff of blissful dreaming ignorance and ending up in a pile of frustration and fear on the rocky bottom of not-so-blissful reality. Yet, sometimes as we lie there at the bottom, we can see things in a way we couldn’t see them before. We can envision new possibilities or new paths forward, so we struggle to our feet and take the next step.

And yet, while we’re lying there in a heap, what if we could all let ourselves off the perfection hook and celebrate how far we’ve come and the new connections and friendships we’ve made? What if we could remember that anytime we attempt to do something we have never done before, it’s going to challenge us in ways we could never have expected? Even if the process is painful, I believe our true growth and transformation lies not in our victories, but amidst the frustration and the tears. Without those moments, the rise would not taste nearly as sweet.

Note from May 2021: This post was originally written in July of 2013. It feels like yesterday that I was crying in Starbucks and I’m pretty sure it was far from my last public display of tears – although crying in public almost feels like a luxury after a year in lockdown. These past 8 years have been filled with amazing highs and some pretty challenging lows – include the setbacks we faced in 2020 when we had to pivot almost everything we did while still holding on to who we are.

I continue to learn that the path to realizing a dream is not linear and I don’t think we ever really arrive. Instead, we just get more chances to grow and evolve and to find a way forward, even in the midst of ongoing uncertainty. I’m so very grateful for the people who have come alongside me in our shared dream of growing A Fresh Chapter. We’re still here. Dreaming big and always willing to look for new possibilities and paths forward.