Redefining Balance & The Illusion of Having It All

Terri Wingham is the founder and CEO of A Fresh Chapter, a cancer survivor, and someone who believes that we are not defined by the most difficult aspects of our story.

Written by Terri Wingham | July 7, 2016

Balance. An elusive lover. For the past five years, I’ve chased him around the globe and through cities across North America. We had wonderful, brief interludes together and then he would slip away.

Seven years ago, I didn’t know he existed. At the time, Work was my dance partner. My high heels clicked across parking lots lit by street lamps after long days with my fingers flying across a keyboard or with a phone pressed up against my ear. Then, cancer arrived and Illness and I took up together. From a packed schedule to a desolate one. Meetings to TV marathons. 5 mile runs to an inability to rise from the couch.

photo-71It wasn’t until 2011 when Balance and I first met on a flight to South Africa. He came with me to a volunteer placement in Cape Town and on an incredible voyage through the African countries of Namibia, Botswana and Zambia. I even brought him home with me to Vancouver for a magical summer together. He was there during the early days of daydreaming about an organization that would use volunteering and meaningful travel to help heal the emotional scars of cancer. Between envisioning the future and planning a trip around the world, he and I would go for long walks or see friends or do yoga. But, then I had to pack up my apartment in Vancouver and set off on the road and I felt him slipping away.

From city to city, couch-to-couch, country-to-country, I had to choose between the dream and him. I wanted to have it all, but perhaps building something you believe in takes a single-minded focus that doesn’t leave room for a partner like Balance.

Over the years, I have had to redefine what having a “balanced life” really means.

Perhaps, like me, you continue to wrestle with this idea of having it all. Maybe between your kids, your work, your health, and your many obligations, you find yourself depleted. Maybe you’re trying to manage the side effects of an illness and the “free time” it creates (where you’re too tired to do much) or you’re putting pressure on yourself to keep up with the fantastic and seemingly balanced lives of your friends on Facebook.

But what if we could reframe this conversation?

Grand Canyon.Photo By Jimi BrockettMaybe we’re all wired differently and we need to step beyond society’s expectations – and the pressure we put on ourselves – to decide what a balanced life means to us. Perhaps, we need to look at our lives over the course of months or maybe even years to see how balance plays out over the long-term. Or, perhaps we need to ask ourselves – is what I’m doing with the majority of my time making me feel lit up and excited by life more often than the fatigue that might come with it?

I’m still figuring it out and maybe you are too. I expect Balance might come in and out of my life for the next few years. But, one day, I hope we settle down and really make a go of it.

Wouldn’t that be a great happily-ever-after story?

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Comments (4)
  • Jo-Dea • July 8, 2016

    Hello Beautiful!

    You write so exquisitely and in such a way that I’m on the journey with you…. Thank you so much for the inspiration to lead a balanced life!! Sending much love and gratitude your way

  • Stephanie Harris • July 9, 2016

    Beautiful post, Terri. Between the demands of family life, entrepreneurship, my other interests/hobbies, I too struggle to find balance. As the mother of a cancer survivor,the word “balance” has been redefined for me, as my priorities have shifted after cancer. Yet I still need to make a living, so I do struggle to know what “balance” looks like for me. Thank you for your beautiful, validating words.

  • Ron Stempkowski • July 12, 2016

    Reading this post was like dancing a dance I’ve done before. I love the personifications. Elusive lover, indeed!

  • Joanna • July 13, 2016

    I needed to hear this today. Thanks as always for your beautiful and inspiring words, Terri. xox

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