Jerry Deans participated in the 2017 ReFresh Experience For Cancer Advocates in San Francisco. He currently serves on the board of directors for Us Too International. Jerry, who is retired, leads a centering prayer group and facilitates a grief support group with his wife of 43 years. They have 5 children (4 living) and 4 grandchildren.  

Family hardship

My family endured a number of tragedies: the loss of our daughter and our first granddaughter, the paralysis of one of our sons, the serious illness of our daughter, the alcoholism of another son and, the one most challenging to me, my 18-year battle with prostate cancer.

When I share with others that we have spent time in the wilderness, almost no one questions what I mean. Wilderness experiences are much closer than we think. The first thing to go, in the wilderness, is our sense of control and our belief that we can handle, on our own, what this life dishes out.

Searching the wilderness

We found ourselves thrown into the wilderness for the first time, after the loss of our daughter. As a control freak, survivor and self made man, I was in for a rude awakening.

I began to look for anyone, past or present, who had written about the value of vulnerability and the mystery of how to survive the wilderness. In my faith tradition, references hid in plain sight about “needing to die in order to live” and “a power that is only perfected in weakness.” It’s quite another matter to access that power, when your thoughts and emotions swirl and ambush you with the Whys and What ifs of a traumatic loss or tragedy.

After much searching, I found a rich treasure trove of people who suffered and used that suffering to transform their lives. But you know what? People who have not endured a significant tragedy or suffering don’t want to think about it. So many of us become the silent walking wounded, not knowing that there are others going through the same experiences.

ReFresh Experience

It was a wonderful coincidence to be offered an opportunity by my prostate cancer support organization, Us Too International, to participate in A Fresh Chapter.

After traveling from Richmond, Virginia, all the way to San Francisco, I was delighted to find myself with 15 others who understood suffering and vulnerability. What could I learn from these fellow wilderness walkers? What could I share with them about my own walk? How would it change us to peel away the protections that we all put between ourselves and the rest of the world? How could we grow in our ability to share with others? And, most importantly, how could we use our tragedies as a springboard, to help us reach out to a world full of walking wounded people?

I could tell in the first several hours of this experience that the leaders, Terri and Janet, were skilled. They provided the protection and permission that participants needed to share their deepest selves. They gathered excellent resources to help us focus our discussions. The entire experience was a strong and compassionate leading for us. It allowed us to think about where we were and where we wanted to be, to fulfill our greatest life intention.

At age 69 and still actively fighting prostate cancer and the collateral damage of the treatments, I found this experience to be just what I needed. It helped me think through what is and is not important to do with the remaining years of my life. That knowing is priceless, leading me to A Fresh Chapter in my life.

A Fresh Chapter (AFC) is a non-profit offering U.S. and International volunteer travel experiences to cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and non profit leaders to help them heal the emotional scars of cancer while serving others – and in the process, reclaim their lives. To learn more about our upcoming programs, visit our Explore Programs page.