In the summer of 2016, an out of office message – from someone who works at LinkedIn – bounced into my inbox with a link to this article: The Value Of Going ‘Dark’ on Vacation. I was instantly intrigued. What would it feel like to really unplug? To step out of the river of information and decisions, and consciously choose to sit on the shore?

2018 was incredible, with the conception of a new program in Kenya – stay tuned for a big announcement – our second ReFresh Experience in San Francisco, Odyssey programs in South Africa and Peru, and the creation of a 5-year strategic business plan. But, by November, a massively out-of-proportion reaction to a seemingly innocuous incident made me realize my resilience was at an all time low. In spite of my passion for A Fresh Chapter, I found myself feeling fractured and exhausted: I realized I could not sustain my current pace.

For years, I had promised myself I would indulge in a vacation at some future date – when I had the time and the money. I now knew I couldn’t afford not to.

On a Friday in January, I arrived in Mexico for my first vacation in almost 6 years and initially, it didn’t go as planned. With beautiful white sand shifting between my toes, a balmy salty breeze on my face, and my out-of-office set with a link to the same article on going ‘dark’, I had expected to feel an instant sense of calm. Instead, I fidgeted. Stared at the phone. Paced. Toggled between my mental to-do list items. Bargained with myself. Maybe I could check email one more time or scan through social media for a final fix. But, I had promised myself this detox. I had even moved all of the icons on my phone relating to work and social media to the very last screen. So, with each swipe to the right, I would be forced to ask – why are you really trying to get back online?

With no emails to write and no newsfeeds to get lost in, I had to confront some of the emotions I had carried with me through the highs and lows of the last few years. I could no longer stuff them into the pocket of – I’ll deal with you later, when I have time. Later had come. So, after indulging in one too many margaritas – (that’s what you do on vacation, right?) – I did what I knew I needed. I went for long walks, wrote in my journal, and let the tears come. Finally, about three days in, I uncovered the calm I had been seeking.

The next day, I opened a book I had wanted to read for a year: Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown. This quote – in particular – struck a chord:

The best asset we have for making a contribution to the world is ourselves. If we underinvest in ourselves, and by that I mean our minds, our bodies, and our spirits, we damage the very tool we need to make our highest contribution.

It became crystal clear. I had pushed off taking a vacation because I saw time-off as an indulgence, not an investment. For the first time in years, I had space to think more broadly about what I hoped the new year might look like – both for myself and for A Fresh Chapter. And the clarity I found would not have been possible amidst the fray of conference calls, emails, and meetings.

In the heady moments of growth, it’s often easier to stay on the merry-go-round and zone into the reassuring complexities of work and our social news feeds. But, in the quiet of a solitary sunset, I truly got what so many people had tried to tell me.

We are the most important assets in our lives. We have to invest in ourselves and make peace with the reality that we can’t possibly do it all.

So, in addition to choosing my 3 words for 2019, I am also choosing to come back to this question whenever I feel swept up with life’s river of information and decisions: Is this essential?