Another gorgeous fall day. Thankfully, I am a little less pissed at the sun for shining.

As I walk briskly downtown, my two friends chatter incessantly in my ear. I wish they would leave. I’m not in the mood to obsess about their presence in my life.

But with each step I take, I can’t shake them. Paula Paunch and Suzy Saddlebags keep trying to burst their way out of my jeans.

If I want to ignore them, I pull on my yoga pants. Today, I decided to face them. Keep them with me as a tactile reminder when I’m tempted to slip back into my indulgent vacation mindset.

They are irritatingly loyal. We first met when I backpacked through Europe in 1998 and I have tried to dodge their advances ever since. I thought three months of chemo and two surgeries had scared them away for good. But, they heard I had a big trip planned and wanted to come along. I didn’t give them my itinerary.

As I sat in the café of the Tate Modern in London, I indulged in a fluffy flourless almond cake with smooth clotted cream and sipped a crisp Pinot Grigio. I debated leaving half of the cake on my plate, but as I scanned for my two friends, my jeans still felt roomy. I licked the plate clean and congratulated myself on evading them.

Onto Croatia where I dined on Tomato Bocconcini salads with fragrant basil and rich local olive oil, then snuck hazelnut milk chocolate bars into my room for dessert. In my blissful chocolate induced high, Suzy knocked on my door. Could she come in?

By the time I got to Slovenia and saw Paula waiting for me at a café with a beautiful platter of firm goat cheese, tomatoes, olives, and prosciutto, I gave up. By then, I wanted the company. So, we spent the rest of the trip feasting on chanterelle risotto, caramel gelato, creamy yogurt, and wonderfully rich red wines.

I would worry about it when I got home. Maybe the universe would do me this one favour and spare me the consequences of my actions. Or, maybe I would learn from my life and death experiences of the last year to let this go.  Be grateful that I have loyal friends like Paula and Suzy. Buy bigger jeans.

I wish I could say that I have evolved into a more altruistic version of myself

But, here I am. Obsessing with every step. Counting down the days until I can cut these friends out of my life and wishing that I could open a big bag of salty corn chips to help me do it.