When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the news was devastating. I had never experienced such shock, fear, and hopelessness in my life. At the time, I had just completed my course in Psychological Counseling and was looking forward to graduating and beginning a new career that I was deeply passionate about. I had dreams and plans for my future, but suddenly everything seemed to change. For example, my body changed from a slim fit to a larger size and after a double mastectomy, a flat chest was devastating. 

As a single mother, my greatest fear was my five-year-old son. I kept asking myself, “Who will take care of my son if something happens to me?” Like many people, I initially experienced the diagnosis as a death sentence.

The Disconnect Between Knowing and Feeling

The treatment journey was difficult. I experienced constant fear, anger, anxiety, dependency, and emotional confusion. I felt overwhelmed and, at times, I was simply hanging on for dear life. After four cycles of chemo, the treatment was not reducing the tumor. I shouted at the doctors and nurses in frustration when they told me I had to start another treatment regimen. My frustration led to an uncontrollable tantrum. 

What surprised me most was that, despite having studied psychology, my lived experience was completely different from what I had learned in class. I had learned about the stages of loss and grief and expected them to follow one another in order. Instead, my experience was much more complicated. I could feel denial, anger, and depression at the same time. Sometimes I felt I had reached acceptance, only to be thrown back into intense anger and guilt, wondering if I had somehow brought this on myself by not being more careful. I knew about coping, emotions, and resilience theoretically, but cancer taught me that human experiences are dynamic and deeply personal. There were moments when no words could reach what I was feeling. What helped was learning to stay with those feelings rather than constantly fighting to be okay. 

Choosing to Invest in Myself

A major turning point came during my third chemotherapy session. I decided that I wanted to live. During my third chemotherapy session, I met a 10 year old child with sarcoma who had undergone an amputation. He had missed school, but during the session, he was reading his storybook aloud and coloring. He was seemingly unbothered by everything happening around him. He was simply living in the moment, while I was bitter and angry at life. Seeing the world through his eyes awakened something in me. I realized that I, too, wanted to choose life. 

I gathered the strength I had and went for my graduation while still going through treatment. Since I was not working, I decided to invest in myself. I joined online training sessions and attended physical classes during chemotherapy and after surgery. I began focusing again on my dreams and the future.

I also reached out to a counselor for psychosocial support. Growing up, I was always the strong one in my family, the person everyone could turn to. As a Guest Relations Manager, I was used to making decisions, planning, solving problems, and getting things done. As a counselor, people come to me with their issues, and I rarely had the chance to equally seek help for myself. 

This was new territory for me. I knew that if I did not ask for help, I would drown in my pain and might never survive the fear and anxiety. That experience taught me an important lesson: even counselors need counselors. Asking for help is not weakness; it is courage.

Discovering A Fresh Chapter

Another breakthrough came when I attended a Mizizi workshop. I began to see my life as its own fresh chapter. I realized I could still rebuild my life.

I gained a deeper understanding of the emotional side of cancer and learned that conflicting emotions can coexist. I could be afraid and still have hope. I could be angry and still be grateful. I could have difficult days and still choose to live.

I also learned mental health tools such as acknowledging the dark and the light and holding space. These lessons have made me less judgmental and more open to new experiences, people, and situations as they are. I have learned that sometimes there is little room for fighting to change things. Sometimes, you just sit with the emotions and take the lessons, knowing that nothing lasts forever. 

Finding Purpose Through My Experience

My cancer journey eventually led me to a new community of compassion and care and helped me discover my purpose.

Today, I have made it part of my life’s calling to support cancer patients and caregivers through their emotional and psychosocial journeys. My particular focus is on children and young people affected by cancer, a focus shaped by what I saw my own son experience. I saw him go through fear, pain, confusion, and anxiety. He even regressed in some ways and, as a counselor, I knew this needed attention. I sought support for him from a child therapist. Since then, we have grown in how we communicate about his feelings.

I believe children should not lose their dreams because cancer has entered their families. We can support them to grow, heal, learn, dream, and realize their potential despite the disruption cancer may bring.

Cancer changed my life, but it did not take away my purpose. It interrupted my journey, but it did not end my story.