Wow! I am incredibly humbled and honored by all of your emails and comments. I really am the luckiest girl in the world that I continue to have so much support while I ride out this crazy roller coaster.

Before yesterday I was a complete blog virgin. Ok, I knew what a blog was (sort of), but had no idea that I could “follow” one or that if I started my own blog, I would want to post it to Facebook and then tweet about it. Tweet! Really? I’m sure some of you are rolling your eyes as you look at me inquisitively. For a girl who has recruited technology professionals for the past five years, how could I be so tech illiterate? What can I say? As my fellow recruiters will attest, faking your way through technical conversations is a bit of an art form.

As I sat typing yesterday in the solitude of my apartment, I didn’t picture people actually reading my post. I actually pushed the ‘publish to Facebook’ button with a shaky hand. Did I really want all of you to jump into my mind and hear my innermost thoughts? More importantly, why should you care about those thoughts? I’m sure you have your own thoughts to obsess about, don’t you?

I felt like I was about to step into a police line-up, where you were on the other side of the one-way mirror and could see me, but I couldn’t see you (relax Mom, I don’t actually know this from personal experience). Then, I shook my head and realized that all of my secrets will be out when I actually finish my book, so why not get comfortable with inviting you into my head?

So, you might have asked yourself. Why now? I certainly did. Why didn’t I start this blog at the beginning of my adventure? After perusing through my mind, I came up with a ‘Double D’ answer. You probably thought the title of this post alluded to my future cup size, but my plastic surgeon has already told me to not push my luck.

No, my friends…the Double Ds that have come along on my journey are denial and dementia.

Perhaps denial is not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it has sure served me well. How can a girl wrap her head around the concept of breast cancer? From the diagnosis to my first surgery to my hair falling out, I tended to think of myself in the third person. Oh, that poor girl Terri! Her life really sucks right now. I’m so glad I’m not her. Sure, I had my moments of ownership, but I preferred to sink back into denial – it was a lot more comfy. How could I blog about something that I wanted to pretend wasn’t happening?

The second more relevant D is dementia. Ok, so maybe that is not the official title for what happens when the chemo drugs turn your brain to mush. But, I felt like at any moment, I might need to voluntarily check myself into a facility for either the very elderly or the very crazy (if I actually remembered to go). My friends just smiled good-humouredly while I told the same stories. Oh, and there was also the unsolicited advice that I imparted on people. K actually said to me, ‘Thanks Terri. That is precisely how you told me I should change my life the last time we had this exact conversation.’ Whoops!

For about six months, my blog could have read: today I tried not to barf, couldn’t keep my eyes open for longer than a four hour stretch, got winded walking two blocks, and on the odd dramatic day: contemplated swan diving off the Lions Gate bridge.

So instead, I thought I would share snippets of my adventures along the way, as I write about them. You can be my test readers. We can write this book together. One step at a time, right?