“Aunty Terri, why do you sound like a girl, but you look like a boy?’ My 4-½ year old niece’s eyes grew wide as she took in my bald-head. Up until a moment ago, we sat quietly colouring at my sister’s kitchen table.

Chemo had finished six weeks before and I had come up North to meet my newest nephew and visit with my family. The other night, I’d asked my brother to buzz my head because I couldn’t stand the wispy, patchy mess sprouting from my scalp.

My scarf had been a constant fixture since I arrived. But, my newly shaved head itched and I could feel the fabric melding to the pores on my forehead. I needed to escape. I debated whether she would notice and then slowly stretched my arms and tried to casually slip it off.  Silly me. I obviously underestimated her sharp little mind.

What should I say? I gulped. I suddenly had a tiny window into what it would be like if I had to juggle the roles of mother and cancer patient. My admiration for these brave women grew; they are my new heroes.

“Well, I got a little bit sick and the doctors gave me some medicine to make me better. The medicine made me lose my hair. But, soon it will grow back and it will be long again, just like yours.” I did my best to reassure her and make light of the situation. I didn’t want her to start wondering if her hair would fall out the next time that her Mom gave her cough medicine.

“I’m glad that I don’t have to look like a boy because then my friend Ethan might not know that it’s me and might not want to play with my anymore” she said pensively as she looked up from her crayons. Then she thought about it further and changed her mind, “but, probably as soon as I started to talk, he would know it was me. Just like I know it’s still you.”

“That’s right honey. It’s still me, even though I look a little different.”

She immediately forgot about my bald-head as we focused our attention back on the important task of drawing an extra special picture for her Mom.

When I saw her today, for the first time in four months, she came flying across the room to give me a huge hug. Now that my hair has started to grow in again, she didn’t even give my head a second glance. She was just excited to show me her new necklace and twirl around in her fairy wings that she had put on especially to greet me.

I got to thinking about how kids don’t really care what you look like. They don’t need you to cover up your baldness with a scarf or a wig. They just want you to love them.

I’m glad I have her around this week to keep things in perspective.

Here’s a shot of my brother and I, after he shaved off my post chemo peach fuzz. Although it was fun to take this shot, hopefully it’s the last time that we look like twins.