“Don’t take anything personally…nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.” Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements.

I read this excerpt this morning and thought about how perfectly it applied to my recent heartbreak. I actually congratulated myself on how well I am handling all of the changes and emotional tidal waves in my life. But that was before…

Before I spoke with the agent managing my long term disability claim, which is just days away from running out. Before I asked her why my T4 stated a higher number than it should, when she has said to me on more than one occasion (both verbally and in writing) that the long term disability portion of my claim was NOT taxable. Before she cleared her throat to fill the awkward pause while she clicked through screens on her computer.

Before she said, “Whoops, I made a mistake on the letter that I sent you last June. You actually owe taxes on all of the insurance paid out last year for both short term and long term disability.” Before my fingers tingled in shock as I swallowed the reality that paying Revenue Canada will probably wipe out my entire savings. Before she had the audacity to suggest that she could send me a revised letter stating that my long term disability payments from the past 9 months actually ARE taxable.

Before I nearly crushed the phone in my hand and tried to keep my voice level as I said, “Please explain how a revised letter will help me now. I would have saved for the taxes and gone straight back to work, if I had known that I did not have a financial cushion.“

Before she said that if I referenced the fine print in the benefits booklet that I received almost six years ago when I started with my former employer, I would have known that long term disability payments are taxable for me. Before I asked her why I would hunt down a booklet, when I had a letter written by her (that I read 4-5 times), stating in plain language that my payments were NOT taxable. Before she said that she was sorry but there was nothing she could do.

When I hung up the phone, my whole body trembled with rage. How dare she act as if the fact that I owe $15-20k in taxes is no big deal. As if she thinks a simple “I’m sorry for my mistake” is ok after I’ve already booked my plane ticket and am heading out of the country for 10 weeks. A decision I might have made differently, if I had known that I had no nest-egg to come back to.

As I panted with rage, I looked across my table and saw the book, The Four Agreements, staring back at me. I remembered the words that I had read only an hour before: it’s not personal.

It’s not personal when someone makes an error that impacts you to the tune of thousands of dollars; it’s not personal when the man that you love walks away because he believes that you both need something different than each other; it’s not personal when a doctor tells you that you have a 40-60% chance of getting a second kind of cancer.

So, I changed into my work out clothes, stormed up the hill to my favourite yoga studio, and after an hour of incredibly deep breathing, made the decision to let go of my anger and trust that somehow, everything will work out. I will find the perfect tenant to sub-let my place, I will reach my fundraising goals, and I will figure how to generate income when I get home.

As I folded into child’s pose at the end of class, I reminded myself that I have jumped off a cliff once before and it has turned out amazingly well so far (I am shocked and incredibly grateful to be at 80% of my total fundraising goal). Now I just need to jump off the next cliff and trust that things will fall into place financially when I get home.

I read a quote recently from Nicole Kidman (after her break up with Tom Cruise) that I think can apply to almost any situation in life, “I’m not sure what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said “Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.”

If her current charmed life is any indication of the power of positive thinking, sign me up!