Releasing My White Knuckled Grip…
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Terri Wingham is the founder and CEO of A Fresh Chapter, a cancer survivor, and someone who believes that we are not defined by the most difficult aspects of our story. |
They’re back. Even though I try to shake them; panic, fear, and anxiety have once again wrapped their beefy arms around me. With only 9 days until I give up my apartment and either sell or lend out all of my possessions, I have had more than one light-headed, is it hot in here or is it just me, panic attack.
If you have read about my ever morphing, Big Hairy Audacious Dream or the post where I ask What’s More Important to You Than Your Fears you would agree that anyone in my situation would be struggling to take a solid breath (or at least that is what I tell myself). Each day brings more cardboard boxes; more email inquiries about my furniture items still for sale; and more apprehension about what the next few months will look like. (more…)
Comments (4)
Hi Terri;
I just had to come by and wish you all the best on this massive adventure you are going on. You have faced so many things over the past couple of years. I have no doubt you will take this and run and turn it into the most magnificent, chapter of your life.
Something that I have never forgotten and never had a chance to thank you for was; right before I left Banff 10 years ago this month to travel the UK and Ireland all alone.
I was leaving behind my friends who were like family, and a career that I wasn’t in love with but you know it was a career.
You have me this beautiful journal filled with quotes to encourage me, and comfort me so that I could record my adventures while I was gone. I thought of you every time I wrote in it. You inspired me to keep going when I was scared and ready to run home to what was familiar. I will always be grateful to you for that. You told me that it would change my life and you were right.
Just know I believe in you. You got nothing to fear and we are all there with you in spirit holding your hand every step of the way. If anyone can make this work it is you!
Safe travels my friend! I look forward to your updates!
P.s. I still have that journal and still cherish it.
My favourite line is “push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate”. Such a great metaphor for relationships in life. Some people are within arms reach the whole way to the destination, some are beside you for a bit and then get carried up or down stream and you never see them again, or pulled further away in a really wide section. Some people keep showing up beside you unexpectedly. Sometimes its as though no one is within arms reach, then someone bobs up beside you and smiles. All moments to celebrate.
I had this thought about a friend recently “I’m so glad I get to be on the planet, at the same time, that you are on the planet”. It was initially directed at this unique person I really appreciated, but to my surprise and delight, as the thought resonated, it grew to include everyone; the panhandler on the corner, the quirky bus driver. Sort of a feeling of shared experience but on a global level. A version of taking a look at who’s around us in the river at any given moment and celebrating the uniqueness of that. I am in awe of the journey you are taking and also at your ability to sit with the fear/panic/anxiety and still keep your eyes open and your head above water. Just picturing the community you have created, everyone celebrating that you are bobbing along in the same river, is awe inspiring. Here’s to some cool folks bobbing up beside you on the next leg of the journey.
I always appreciate your posts about this topic. At various times in my life, I find myself white knuckling it as change approaches or I am not sure of the outcome of a situation. You would think that after going through this over the last 30+ years that I would remember that when you just let go of the control and let things happen, they turn out the way they are meant to. Instead, I find my ‘control freak’ screaming in my head and the sleepless nights of anxiety take over. I am not currently in that place but I know full well that the next challenge is just on the horizon and I thank you for the reminder and sharing this lovely Hopi passage. The best thing that I can do in this life is to try to instill this wisdom to my daughter when she is old enough to understand it – I want her to learn to embrace change and follow her dreams and face the fear.
Stella,
Thank you so much for the honesty in your comment. To embrace change without trying to control EVERYTHING continues to be my challenge. But, I am learning that every time I do this successfully, I learn to let go a little more. I am so happy to hear that your daughter will be receiving this wisdom from such an early age. Good for you!