When Was Your Last Heartbreak?
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Terri Wingham is the founder and CEO of A Fresh Chapter, a cancer survivor, and someone who believes that we are not defined by the most difficult aspects of our story. |
Do you remember the punch in the gut feeling of saying goodbye to someone you loved for the last time? Maybe you spent endless days strategizing about whether you could somehow win her back. Or, maybe you invited your friends over to drink gallons of cheap wine while you said good riddance to him and then updated your online dating profile.
For me, the heartbreak is so razor fresh that I can feel the warmth of his little head as he burrows his face into my chest – fighting a yawn and wrapping his tiny fingers around my arm; I can see her running towards me – arms outstretched and legs pumping, as she waits for me to lift her onto my hip; I can smell the rice and beans smeared all over his face as I shovel a bite of lunch into his wide open mouth; and I can feel the weight of his 10 year old palm in my hand as he looks at me in confusion when I explain I can’t come back Ajo (tomorrow).
Earlier today, I managed to hold back the tears and keep my tight smile in place until I had waved my last goodbye and made it outside the gates of the Noel Orphanage in Nyundo. But, I couldn’t stop myself from boo-hooing all over the side of a Rwandan Road. My two week placement with Global Volunteer Network in Rwanda went by far too quickly and I can only hope and pray that fate might bring me back here to these children one day.
When I returned home from volunteering with Cross-Cultural Solutions in Cape Town, I told a friend I didn’t think I could work with kids again. I explained how leaving them tore me up for weeks afterwards. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “that’s exactly why you SHOULD work with kids. It doesn’t matter if it’s hard for you, it matters that you care enough to be present for them.”
So, even though my heart is breaking, I know she’s right. As the local bus pulls out of Gisenyi tomorrow and we drive through Nyundo, on our way back to Kigali, I will press my face to the glass, hopeful to catch one of the faces of the beautiful Motherless Children I have come to love.
I will leave you today with just a few more pictures of some of the most beautiful souls on earth.
Comments (11)
Terri:
Such beautiful little faces. It’s obvious they touched you indelibly and I know you did the same for them. You are doing good work and you have a very wise friend.
Much love,
Debbie
You’re so full of heart, Terri. Your friend is right, the care you bring to these children must be such a brightness in their life. And if you really want to return one day, you will. It’s that simple. Anything can be possible when you want it enough (as you’ve demonstrated time and again!)
Oh my sister~ I feel for you…I’ve been anticipating my last week here at CCS and wondering how I will have the strength to say goodbye? Not only the kids I’ve come to adore but Jaggi, Vicky, Daisy and the rest of the staff. But your friend is right…our hearts and world are bigger and better because we choose to stay, be present, to love with all our might.I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I know you wouldn’t either. Cry those tears, the smile at the memories. You carry these children with you. Always.
Terri,
I like to think of myself as made of tough stuff, able to face and walk through most anything. Notice I said “most ” anything. I’m not sure I have the emotional strength and reserves required to face these motherless children, knowing I would be leaving them soon. How great they get to know brief bits of love, but it scares me to think how this will imprint on them; how well they will form lasting relationships as they go thru life. I know God will deal harshly with the evil men who banished they children to a life without parents, but somehow, that’s not enough. I’m grateful you’re there with them though, my friend.
Love,
Brenda
Now how did I know this would happen all over again 😉 Don’t think of it as heartbreak my dear Terri, but your heart being broken wide open with love.
[…] Terri’s volunteer placement in Rwanda has come to a close and she is left nursing a heart ache after the experience. […]
Well… as usual, your words are SO vivid I’m reduced to tears and my heart is broken. I’m going to try to think like Marie… it’s broken open with love-not shattered. And I’m with you, Brenda. Some things in this world are so evil, they are unimaginable. Until there are pictures….. and words. You made a difference in their lives. You touched hearts and souls. You are truly truly TRULY special.
xoxoxox
Terri- you are an angel on earth. Thank God for people like you who emit such light and love and bring good things to those open to receiving these gifts through your eternal optimism, strength, hope, and grace. You are an inspiration to so many. And I feel so blessed to have crossed paths with you- as I am so refreshed with each piece of your writing, your story. I look more forward to meeting you each time I check in to read a new piece of “A Fresh Chapter.” Sending love and light and energyto bring all things good! (To you and to all those of whom you write about. Beautiful people.) xo PS I loved that comment- the perspective of living with your heart broken wide open. So expressive and such a beautiful way to see the human experience.
Thank you so much to ALL of you for your wonderfully supportive comments. Normally I reply to each one, but Internet has been spotty and now I’m about to try to take some time away from technology to recharge my heart and soul. Yes Anne-Marie – It’s broken open with love. Sending you all BIG LOVE from Zanzibar where the air is balmy and the breeze is strong. Hopefully it’s the perfect place to replenish my spirit:)
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[…] you have any pictures with mothers and babies?” I can’t help but think about my Recent Heartbreak and how much I miss a special little Rwandan […]