Serving My Life Sentence…
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Terri Wingham is the founder and CEO of A Fresh Chapter, a cancer survivor, and someone who believes that we are not defined by the most difficult aspects of our story. |
Before my 20th birthday, a genetics counsellor issued me a life sentence I didn’t ask for and had no idea how to handle. Finding out I had the BRCA1 gene mutation (passed down through Dad from his mother) meant I had to live with the knowledge of a ticking cancer time bomb loaded, deep in my cells, waiting to go off.
This news would overwhelm anyone, but at the time I was a small town girl struggling with the insecurities of adjusting to college and city life. And because of some weight gain from a backpacking trip after high school, fitting into my clothes was proving to be a challenge. While my new college friends attended parties, I quietly came up with complex scenarios for how quickly I needed to lose the weight so I could attract Mr. Right in time to fit in marriage and motherhood before my cancer risk caught up with me. To read more about how a genetic mutation (BRCA1) became a life sentence and contributed to one disastrous break-up after another through my 20s, turn to page 17 of the LIVES Affected by Cancer – 2012 Edition.
At the LGFB Mirror Ball Nov 2011
LIVES is a magazine pulled together by the hardworking team at Facing Cancer Together & The Look Good Feel Better Program and includes plenty of stories sure to inspire you, whether you are facing cancer or not.
In a post I wrote recently on the Facing Cancer Blog – So, Now What? – I shared an excerpt of how terrified I felt when treatment ended and I had no idea where the future would lead me.
Although my cancer journey will finish, the real work of picking up the pieces of my life has just begun. The thought of shaping those pieces into a brand new identity scares the crap out of me.
So here’s to all of you out-of-breath swimmers who have the courage to join me as we dive into fear and sadness. You brave dog paddlers who teach me to make no guarantees about how or when we’ll make it to the other side. And, here’s to the friends and family who tirelessly cheer us on from the bleachers. Even if they don’t recognize us in our wet, bedraggled, chest heaving state as we climb out of the pool, we appreciate that they will do their best to love us anyways. Click HERE to read the full post on Facing Cancer about facing the challenges that come AFTER treatment.
And, staying within the realm of survivorship, I am excited to share a post written by Rachel Pappas on her wonderful site 1UpOnCancer: Survivor’s Dream Turns Big and Hairy. Thank you Rachel for helping me share this story with your readers.
What about you? Whether it’s cancer or not, are you struggling with a Life Sentence of your own? If you feel scared, sad, or alienated, I promise, you are not alone. Many of us have been there and will continue to wade through the murky pool of questions and fears that, unfortunately, may never entirely disappear.
To manage my own fears of a breast cancer reoccurrence or an ovarian cancer diagnosis, I’ve become a subscriber to the “Life is short, I’m going to live the hell out of it for as long as I can” philosophy.
Huge thanks to a friend who shared the image below on Facebook last week. I think it about sums it up for me…
Comments (13)
Brilliant post, SS. I don’t believe in life sentences, only life experiences.
LOVE your comment! Only life experiences, not life sentence.s Absolutely perfect:)
Very positive outlook in a tough situation. I am dealing with a family member with cancer so I appreciate you sharing.
Alex,
Thank you so much for your comment. I will keep your family member in my thoughts and prayers. It is not an easy time. Thank you for taking the time to read and for leaving a comment. It’s nice to connect with you.
Terri
Thanks for the post. Yes, transition back to “normal” not easy – Though after cancer not much is the same, hope you feel more at ease (at least over the BRCA thing) through your decision to be gone with the girls. I know, it has to be hard; I didn’t have it as hard; just lumpectomy. Though I am concerned that my surgeon pushed lumpectomy without even discussing BRCA mutation and I have ALMOST EVERY one of the risks for it. First learned what BRCA was from my gynocologist some time into my treatments. My onc says to keep getting tested; though I was negative she questions the results. But thanks for educating folks on BRCA and sharing your fears so boldly and honestly.
Thanks Rachel! I just found your comments in the spam folder, but I’m so glad I did. You’re so right. Dealing with BRCA or other risk factors is not easy. I appreciate you sharing your perspective and your own fears. In many ways, we are all in this together (BRCA or not). Big hugs! Terri
No life is never “normal” as we knew it again. After mastectomy must be harder yet – I got by with just lumpectomy though concerned that my breast surgeon pushed lumpectomy without even ‘splain’in what BRCA was though I later learned I have ALMOST EVERY ONE of the risk factors. First learned about BRCA some time into treatment from my gynecologist. Tested negative but my onc isn’t convinced and says keep testing as new panels come out. I hope you feel somewhat better being gone with the girls knowing you are doing as much as you can for yourself. And with that face, who needs boobs?
Aww – just saw your last sentence. With that face, who needs boobs. You are so sweet. Thank you!
I’ve always wondered…is the BRCA mutation a POSITIVE outcome of breast cancer? Or just high risk? 100% or another percentage?
Hi Heather – Thanks for your comment. The BRCA mutation is not a definite positive outcome for breast cancer, but the risk is about 85% for breast cancer and 50% for ovarian cancer. A great resource to learn more is FORCE: http://www.facingourrisk.org/ Have a great weekend!
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in december, 2011, i was diagnosed with ST IV metastatic breast cancer. by that time i had been a caregiver to my husband for nearly 3 years after he was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer, multiple myeolma, after he suffered a complete fracture of his femur while simply turning to put something into our car. it happend on our 42nd wedding anniversary. he went through 2 stem cell transplants and was not fully recovered from either the last one, nor the terrible depression and grief as a result of so many losses. but during his entire illness i received tremendous support and help with developing coping mechanisms that were like a life-line to me. mostly from myeloma cg’ing blogggers, and from my nearly 30 years as an oncology/hospice nurse – ah, the irony. now my husband is in remission, and i am approaching it as well – i will have finished up very successful chemo, surgery, and am receiving radiation. the best thing i could add to a dialogue about what’s next?, and how do we pick up the pieces of our lives and move forward, knowing we both have incurable cancer is this: no one ever knows what life will present them with. nothing is “unthinkable”. investing one’s whole being in learning to live in the present, having the ability to replace fear in one’s heart with hope, love, generosity to others, cultivating deep appreciation for the gifts of life – nature, art, music, all our senses piqued to possibilities are what will see us through. do not look to “the new normal” with it’s constant reference to our former lives, which we naturally would have given anything to go back to in the beginning. but look to a “life re-invented”, with it’s reference to new beginings, adventure, and newly created to inform our present hopes and dreams. practice, practice, practice – to aquire the skills to live each day fully and well, to slay the dragon of fear that inevitably creeps in. when you think of the possibility that cancer might re-cur, or someone you adore might die, or what do i do now without the constant attention of a familiar and trusted medical team, you will be able to change your thinking. it isn’t easy, but it is so worth the effort. now my beloved and i are sharing a history with cancer, but also with being each other’s greatest champions. what we’ve learned – mostly, that we can CHOOSE how to feel about whatever circumstances we find ourselves in – has been passed down to our young adult children, our grandchildren and many family and friends. i wished i could have started a blog of my own, but was too overwhelmed with the sudden demands of immediate tests and treatments for me, as well as those that were ongoing for my husband. so i am so glad to be able to share our story to say, “you are not alone”, and “you deserve and can have a happy and fulfilling life, one re-invented that’s just right for you”.
with best wishes ,
karen sutherland
[…] Tweet Today I want to share with you a comment written in response to a recent post – Serving My Life Sentence. Karen and Hugh Sutherland’s story inspired me to tears and I hope it inspires you […]