In December, 2011, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.

At the time, I had been a caregiver to my husband for nearly 3 years after his diagnosis with a rare blood cancer – Multiple Myeolma. On our 42nd wedding anniversary, he suffered a complete fracture of his femur while simply turning to put something into our car. We could not have imagined what lay ahead. He went through 2 stem cell transplants and at the time of my diagnosis, he had not fully recovered from either the last transplant or the terrible depression and grief he felt as a result of so many losses in his life.

During my husband’s illness, I received tremendous support. Much of it came from the blogs of fellow Myeloma Caregivers as well as from my nearly 30 years as an oncology/hospice nurse .

Ahh…the irony.

Now my husband is in remission, and I am approaching it as well. In fact, this week I will mark the end of this era when I have my last radiation appointment (after completing chemotherapy and surgery successfully). I will miss my care team – their hugs, kisses, and hand-holding – as well as all of the exchanging of support with the many wonderful women I’ve met on this journey.  But I am looking forward to being FREE, relatively speaking, (and also to start healing from the physical ravages of radiation).

Your post about “What’s Next?” got me thinking about our situation. How do we pick up the pieces of our lives and move forward, knowing we both have incurable cancer?

What I have learned is this: no one ever knows what life will present them with. Nothing is “unthinkable”. But, by investing one’s whole being in learning to live in the present, we have the ability to replace fear with hope, love, and generosity to others. We can also cultivate a deep appreciation for the gifts of life – nature, art, music. Having all of our senses piqued to possibilities is what will see us through.

Do not look to “the new normal” with it’s constant reference to our former lives, which we naturally would never have wanted to give up. But look to a “life re-invented”, with it’s reference to new beginings, adventure, and the ability to inform our present hopes and dreams.

This ability to live in the present is a constant practice. To aquire the skills to live each day fully and to slay the dragon of fear that inevitably creeps in, does not happen overnight.  When you think of the possibility of a reoccurrence, the death of someone you adore, and the absence of your familiar and trusted medical team, you will have plenty of opportunities to practice changing your thinking and focusing on the present.

It isn’t easy, but it is so worth the effort. My beloved and I now share a history with cancer, but also with being each other’s greatest champions. What we’ve learned – mostly, that we can CHOOSE how to feel about whatever circumstances we find ourselves in – has been passed down to our young adult children, our grandchildren and many family and friends.

I wished I could have started a blog of my own, but was too overwhelmed with the sudden demands of immediate tests and treatments for me, as well as those that were ongoing for my husband. so I am so glad to be able to share our story and to say, “You are not alone”, and “You deserve and can have a happy and fulfilling life, one re-invented that’s just right for you”.

Written by Karen Sutherland