Corinne is a cancer survivor who is on deck for the 2016 Peru Odyssey trip. Check out what it looks like when she wears this borrowed “blogger” hat to talk a little bit about the difficulties of asking for help, whether with cancer-related things or fundraising for her A Fresh Chapter program.

“What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.” -Saint Augustine

My whole life I have taken pride in being self-sufficient and independent. There are things that would have been so much easier if I had been able to say to someone, “Hey, I can’t do this by myself”. Instead I’d find myself teetering on top of an insufficiently small ladder holding a screwdriver between my teeth and a 30-pound ceiling fan on my shoulder while screwing wing-nuts on wires dangling from the gaping dusty hole over my head. But, I love helping others. I am the kind of person who would go to someone else’s house and install their fan (much in the same manner) and insist it would be ridiculous for them to get up on the ladder when I’ve already mastered the art of it across the street at my house.

When my body failed me and my spirit became heavy with the burden of cancer, I didn’t want to ask for help. When I was sick from chemo or hurting from surgery, I didn’t want to be nursed or physically cared for. I didn’t want to ask for rides or dinners. I didn’t want to ask someone to clean my house. Instead of letting people help me with day to day things, I stubbornly did as much as I could. I went to work, made lunches for my kids, did the grocery shopping, went to soccer games, and made dinner. It made me feel better to do it myself. But there were many people who wanted to be able to be a part of my cancer journey and the thing that made sense was to offer to do those things for me. I felt guilty for not letting them help because I knew it would make those who cared about me feel better themselves. They wanted to be a part of my recovery. I wanted to find a way to make them feel helpful. This forced me to take a good hard look at what I really needed and wanted. It surprised me to discover that what I wanted most was for them to keep me company. I needed to hear their jokes and laughter and enjoy their conversation. Sometimes I just wanted them to be in the room. All they needed to do to help me was give me their presence and their love. Loving, it turns out, is synonymous with helping. In the end, that wasn’t such a hard thing to ask for! They were just happy to be able to participate.

I’m ready to embrace part of the old “me” again- the independent, self-sufficient, loves-to-help-others “me”. But, I want to balance that girl with this new, less stubborn, able-to-accept-help version of myself. My upcoming volunteer trip with A Fresh Chapter to Peru is the perfect way for me to do that. So far, the hardest part of my commitment to going has been asking people to donate to my fundraising goal. But anticipating the positive ripple impact that can be created by myself and my fellow volunteers has helped me focus on the goal and overcome my fear of asking for a different kind of help. When it came down to it, even this wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I have found that asking people to help me is harder than asking people to help me help others. By asking people to contribute, I am allowing them to share in this bigger picture too. Once again, they want to help! It turns out, instead of making me feel uncomfortable, fundraising for a cause has made me feel empowered and loved. My friends and family love me. They want to be of service. And if love is service, we can all participate.