Today on the blog, we’re featuring Tony Adrian’s story. An engineer and long-term employee of Lilly, Tony applied and was accepted to Lilly’s Connecting Hearts Abroad program –  a program that sends at least 100 employees per year on two-week assignments to provide assistance to people and communities in need. It is through a unique partnership with Lilly Oncology and Lilly’s Connecting Hearts Abroad that we will welcome 10 Lilly Ambassadors to Lima as part of our Peru Odyssey program. Tony’s story speaks to the challenges caregivers face and why we feel so passionately about helping both patients and caregivers heal the emotional scars of cancer.

My Journey With Roger

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to watch someone you care about deteriorate from cancer.

Roger and I met over 30 years ago as I was beginning my university studies. He was a highly educated Lutheran theologian who majored in Greek and grew up in Massachusetts and I was a young – clueless about life – engineering student from Indiana. Although we had widely different world views, over time we became close as he mentored me about life and became part of our family. Roger was a grandfather figure to my son and daughter and a trusted confidante to me. An idealist, Roger believed life should be spent in the service of others and he often turned down positions at prestigious Lutheran congregations to work in smaller, underserved parishes.

Roger’s story of cancer began with what we thought was lingering pain from a car accident. Upon further investigation, doctors discovered that many of his health issues related to a large tumor strangling his kidneys. I will never forget the visit when he was told of the test results and the plan to perform surgery – he was devastated and I was totally shocked. In the lead up to surgery, Roger asked me to take on Power of Attorney and help him make the legal and medical decisions regarding his end of life treatment – should it get to that point. The surgery was more complex than we expected and the doctors ended up taking a considerable part of his intestines as well as one kidney. Even still, we hoped he would only be in the hospital for a few weeks and then he would bounce back to his busy and purposeful life.

Instead, the two months that followed were filled with incredible highs and terrible lows. I was at the hospital almost every day and often overnight. Despite the stress and anxiety, there were beautiful moments of sharing and hope. Roger and I discussed life, his thoughts on his condition, and the possibility that he would not survive the procedures. He shared how he felt as his physical body deteriorated – like how it felt to require another person to help him shave. There were moments where he just wanted someone to hold his hand as he processed what was happening to him. He had always helped others through the end of life process and now, it was difficult for him to be the one who needed help.

For me I was seeing a close friend slip away. For him, he was simply transitioning to the next phase of life. For all of our friends and family, this experience made the world feel simple – like nothing else mattered. There were two cycles where he recovered from infections, surgeries, and medication issues. There was hope; however, things turned for the worse and his heart stopped beating. The doctors were able to revive him but he had been out for almost 20 minutes. The picture of the floor is how I felt after the doctors asked me if they should resuscitate him if his heart stopped beating again. Although Roger and I had talked about this in great detail, I hoped I would never be asked that question. Even though I wanted to keep him around, it wasn’t his wish and I had to convey this to the doctor. That moment was the beginning of the end. Roger never recovered and passed away a few weeks later on January 3, 2013.

The picture of the floor is just one of a cascade of pictures in my iPhone of the defining moments of that period. A few weeks after Roger passed away, we held a celebration of life to commemorate his life, his friends, and his work. While Roger is no longer physically with us, he lives in the hearts of all the people he helped, loved, and connected with. It was difficult to let him go, but in the end, I smile when I think about his crazy comments, the many times he helped my kids with school work or craft projects, and the stories he shared about his life.

A Fresh Chapter & The Peru Odyssey

I came across an invitation to apply for Lilly’s Connecting Hearts Abroad program earlier this year. When I saw the partnership with A Fresh Chapter and thought of my connection to Roger, I applied on a whim.  I’ve been at Lilly for 12 years, and I’ve never applied before. Given how competitive it is, I figured there was a zero chance of me being selected.

Finding out I had been chosen was surreal. I had come in early that morning to work and saw the email with the news. I remember getting up from my desk in a daze and running down three flights of stairs to get a cup of coffee. I was so excited but there wasn’t anyone around the share the news with. Sitting still wasn’t an option! I couldn’t believe it. My brain was running in all kinds of directions. What’s it going to be like? What is it going to help me to become? What would Roger think about this?

Roger always encouraged me to reach out to the community and to take risks that would take me off the beaten path. He would expect me to be curious and to find a way to make a positive impact on others. He would be excited about this program and I will think of him as I board my flight to Peru.

Roger’s belief that we all should help those in need has led me in many directions and is the compass that guides me in how I interact with my kids and how I approach my career. The experiences I will gather from A Fresh Chapter will define a new path where I can become a better person and better serve others via my daily interactions, the work I do at Lilly, and my involvement in the community. It will be exciting to begin this journey in Lima Peru, and as all great life experiences go, I am a bit anxious about what will happen next as a result of this experience.