I stare into the face of a stranger and scan for a spark of recognition, but there is nothing. Not even a shred of familiarity. A wave of panic rises through me and I grasp the sink to steady myself.

Who are you?

I scream silently at the woman staring back at me. Under the bright bathroom lights, I can’t hide from her hollowed out cheekbones, her eyes devoid of any spark, and her skin so translucent it’s like a film of paper hovering over a network of blue veins. I close my eyes to avoid my reflection and grasp the wall as I shuffle back to my bedroom. Retreating under my covers – still warm from what feels like an endless stay in bed – I can’t hold it in anymore. The grey skies inside me open up and a sea of tears roll down my cheeks to gather in a puddle on my pillow.

**************

Weeks later, when I signed up for my volunteer trip to South Africa, someone said, “Terri – there is so much need here in Vancouver. Why can’t you volunteer locally as a way to feel better?”

At the time, I didn’t have the words to explain how stuck I felt and why I needed a fresh landscape to jolt me out of the prison of my illness and back into a state of expansion and possibility. I needed to be around new people who had no perception of who I was or who I should be. I needed to step beyond the jail of my expectations. Expectations about how quickly I should “get back to normal” and whether I had the right to choose a different path for my future.

My experience in South Africa was my clean slate. I finally had permission to process the anger, isolation, and fears sparked by cancer. To gain perspective. To see that struggle is universal and so is resilience. I learned, grew, and healed more in my first week in South Africa than I would have in a year of staying in the same place. If the same person had asked me today why I needed to go away to volunteer, I could give a much clearer answer based on both my experience and the stories of the more than 150 alumni who have participated in our programs. I needed a shift in my landscape to create a shift in my perspective. I needed to go away in order to come home to myself.

For me, international travel and volunteering was the catalyst for my healing. Like so many people in our tribe, the opportunity to travel with a group of like-minded people and have an experience not defined by cancer reignited my spark for life. It enabled me to come home excited to explore how I could create a ripple of good at home. A ripple far bigger than if I had never seen my story and the world from a fresh perspective. If you or someone you know has been impacted by cancer, we would welcome the opportunity to share a future program with you. To learn more about our program locations and the 6 months of online content that surrounds our immersive volunteer travel experiences, Explore Our Programs today.