Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to speak to each of our Fall 2018 South Africa and Peru participants as we explore their goals for the experience(s) ahead. These conversations often bring me back to the feelings of disconnection and loss I felt after cancer and my motivation for traveling to South Africa – as I searched for a way to heal. For so many of us, cancer, or another major loss in our lives, can create a deep sense of isolation. But, what if by expanding our community in new ways, we could feel less alone while also reducing any pressure we might be putting on our loved ones to “get it’.

Today on the blog, we wanted to share some content from our post-travel Ignite Series, in case you or someone you know might be looking for a way to expand your community.

Every new friend is a new adventure…the start of more memories. ~ Patrick Lindsay

In the article from Cheryl Muir below, she reminds us, “Here’s the deal: when you change your life, some people aren’t meant to stick around. When you think about it, it makes sense. If we are the sum of our five closest friends and you’re striving to do more and be more, it stands to reason that your set of five close friends will change over time.”

As I came through the end of cancer treatment, I felt a bit like a zebra in a pack of horses. From external appearances, my life was still largely shaped the same. I looked the same, albeit with shorter hair, and my friends expected me to be the same person. I tried to settle back into my old life and routine, but the lens through which I saw the world had changed. I felt constantly out of place.

This difference became even more pronounced after my volunteer trip to South Africa. I had seen poverty, resilience and struggle on a scale I couldn’t possible articulate and I didn’t want to return to life exactly as it had been. I wanted to seek out new meaning and to share conversations with people who could relate. I wanted my friends to “get me,” but how could they? Many of them had not experienced anything life-altering and couldn’t possibly understand my shift in perspective. It wasn’t fair to expect them to understand this new me, but I didn’t know how to manage the feelings of isolation that became constant in my life.

I wanted a step-by-step approach to both acclimatize to my new normal and to reconnect with my friends. My psychologist broke the news that my friendships might never be the same. She said I would likely need to supplement old relationships with new friendships for this new phase in my life. She suggested I seek out new activities that were in line with my new values and interests. Values like traveling and volunteering.

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but she was right. Although I still sometimes grieve the losses or changes in my friendships, the new people I have met over the years have enriched my life beyond measure. They have helped me expand my view of the world and given me a new anchor as I explore fresh dreams and embrace more self-awareness. These new friendships have also allowed me to deepen my connections with my old friends and to trust that I can continue to evolve and grow, without needing any one friend or person to be in the same place as I am.

Seven years after my experience in South Africa, I feel incredibly blessed by the friends who have supported and loved me through the changes in my life as well as the incredible people I have met along the way. Each of these friends (old and new) have supported me in becoming a better version of myself and I can’t wait to see the new connections and opportunities in store for me in the future.

If you’re feeling a sense of isolation in your life, how might you expand your network? Who do you know that shares your current values and interests? What new hobby or volunteer community could you join to meet like-minded people?