You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. ~ Steve Jobs 

A few years ago, I discovered Steve Jobs commencement speech at Stanford and it still resonates with me – especially his quote about connecting the dots backwards.

As I look back at the dots in my life, I can now see how five years working as a Professional Recruiter in the technology industry was my boot camp for building A Fresh Chapter. In that period, I interviewed thousands of candidates, built long-term relationships with the people I placed, and developed a skillset for mapping out industries and networks of people. This ability to both build and understand networks is the single most valuable skill I learned in this part of my career, but I didn’t always think so.

When I started in recruitment, I equated networking with a sleazy, underhanded activity reserved for people who wanted to use others to get what they wanted. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Now, I see people who build thriving networks as super heroes of a sort. Wizards who know how to connect the right people to each other at the right time, leaving a trail of synergistic connections in their wake.

The Two Fundamentals To Building Your Network

Perhaps you want to embark on a fresh chapter in your life and you’re not sure where to start. Whether it’s a new role at work, a transition into advocacy volunteering, or even a game plan for meeting a new life partner – expanding your network will reap more benefits than you could imagine. But, if you’re new to the idea of networking, where do you begin?

There are plenty of books you can read about networking, including one of my favorites – How To Be A Power Connector by Judy Robinett – but, if we set aside business strategy and distill it down to the basics, the best networkers I have met have learned to harness two things:

1. A deep sense of curiosity
2. A genuine desire to help

Cultivate Curiosity: Luckily, I have always been curious. Even as a child, Curious George was one of my favorite animated characters. As a recruiter, I had the opportunity to put this curiosity to work through the countless interviews I conducted. Along with being curious, I also had to learn to really listen. To hear both what people said and what they didn’t say. To try to understand their perspectives, their motivations, and what they really wanted. This ability to get to know people is a privilege that carries through into my work with A Fresh Chapter. And, it’s a vital skill for building a network. You cannot serve others if you think you already know what they need or want. But, if you can listen with an open mind and a deep sense of curiosity, you can start to see pathways in which you can help.

Approach Every Interaction With A Desire To Give: When I trained new recruiters, their reluctance to attend networking functions or connect with new candidates often came from a feeling that they didn’t have anything to offer. I would remind them that even if they didn’t yet have a thriving network, one day they would. The people they met now would benefit from the connections they made tomorrow, next week, and next year. For now, they could focus on adding value – even in small ways – to each interaction. Then, as their networks grew, so would their ability to make a bigger impact. When I started in recruitment, I had to get creative about adding value. I would share updates about projects in the industry or insights from a business book I had read. But, by approaching every exchange thinking about what I could give versus what I might get, I felt much better about the idea of networking. Then, as my circle grew, I loved the ability to make connections to help others achieve their goals.

What You Get Will Surprise You

For me, one of the biggest surprises about networking is that you almost never get where you give. You might think you need to meet someone because of his or her connections. It could be a philanthropist who could help your nonprofit grow or a friend who knows someone who could help advance your career. Maybe you get an introduction, find all sorts of ways to add value, and then, months or even years later, still have not received anything from this relationship in return. But, somehow – call it the laws of divine intervention or karma – I have found that the more I give to the people in my network, the more opportunities emerge from people and places I least expect.

I also have never forgotten the words of a keynote speaker at a networking event I attended more than 10 years ago. He said, “You will be the same person in five years, except for the people you meet and the books you read.”

His words struck a chord with me. Who doesn’t want to be a better version of themselves in five years? If by expanding our circles, we have a fast track to more opportunities to grow, I say, bring it on.