My limbs felt like bricks. I laid in bed exhausted, but unable to sleep. My brain cycled like an overheating laptop as I wrote and rewrote the email in my mind. An email that would bring years of dreaming, months of planning, and weeks of excitement to an end. An email that would deliver bad news to people who have already faced more bad news than they deserve. It didn’t seem real. With flights booked, checks written, and once-in-a-lifetime moments awaiting, we were about to erase the plans we thought were etched in stone. 

When we started planning our first-ever alumni Summit, we envisioned it as an opportunity for our tribe to rejuvenate, refocus, and reconnect while creating new connections and new dreams for the future. We never imagined we would need a contingency plan for a virus sweeping the globe, searching for the immune-compromised. But as the coronavirus continued to spread, we knew we had to prioritize the health of our tribe and make the difficult decision to call off our 2020 Summit.

Thanks to the quick work of our fantastic meeting planner, the graciousness of the staff at the Maison Dupuy Hotel, and the resilience of our incredible team, we secured new dates for our summit in December. But, even with the victory of postponing vs. canceling, we know not everyone will be able to come. Whether it’s due to scheduling conflicts, deteriorating health conditions, or what feels unthinkable – because people have passed away – we will never again have the group of people together that we would have connected with in March. This is the excruciatingly difficult part of doing the work that I love and is why this decision was so difficult for our team to make. I hate the risk that comes with waiting until December. Our tribe may miss the opportunity to create memories together, and for some, miss saying goodbye to people we have come to love through AFC. It makes me feel sad, angry, and powerless. And yet, I know we made the right decision. We can’t risk having someone in our community who fought hard to be alive taken out by the coronavirus.

So, even though it was the last thing we wanted to do, we took a collective breath and sent the email. I braced myself for anger and disbelief and each time a new reply came in, I half-closed my eyes while I read it. But, something remarkable happened. Even in the midst of their disappointment and frustration, incredible messages of support came in from members of our tribe who wanted to know how our team was doing. Many of them expressed their gratitude to us for all the work we put in and said we made the right decision. Our sponsors echoed the support and soon we started to see a domino of other cancer conferences getting postponed or canceled, helping strengthen our resolve that we had made the right call. What started out as an excruciating couple of days turned into a beautiful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the “Resilient AF” attitude we talk about during our programs. 

Tips For Navigating Uncertainty

Being resilient in the face of uncertainty isn’t easy and none of us handle change perfectly. Especially with recent events, if you’re feeling a little on edge from any kind of uncertainty in your life, here are a few things that might help:  

• Give Yourself Permission to Grieve. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel ALL of the feelings. As my very wise therapist said to me years ago, the only way out is through. It’s ok to be angry, sad, frustrated, or afraid. And you’re not alone in feeling that way. So cry, yell, punch something (preferably a pillow or something soft) and trust that the feelings will subside. 
• Challenge Yourself to Practice Self Care. If you’re one of the many, many, many people who race to do too much and put yourself last, it’s more important than ever to prioritize self-care. Whether it’s the current coronavirus landscape or something else tipping us into fight-or-flight mode, the dumping of adrenal and cortisol into our systems is detrimental to our long-term health. Call a friend to have a laugh, pour the glass of the wine you’ve been saving for a special occasion, get outside to appreciate some fresh air, or do something else that brings you comfort or joy. 
• Remember Your Track Record. Regardless of whether you have or have not been through cancer, the adversity in your past has challenged you to grow and create contingency plans when things haven’t worked out the way you had planned. Why not pick up a journal and write down three examples of where things went nothing like you planned and still you persevered. Maybe, you even ended up in a better place after your setback? What skills did you use? What did you learn about yourself? 
• Begin to See New Possibilities. After you allow yourself to curse the unfairness of the situation and indulge in some self-care, can you take a step back and see what might be possible now? A mentor recently shared with me a phrase that I can’t get out of my head: Uncertainty and possibility are two sides of the same coin. Can you see any new possibilities that are emerging, simply because things didn’t turn out the way you had hoped?

To our amazing tribe, thank you for the love and support and for showing us what it means to be resilient, strong, and brave. We are here to support you virtually and we look forward to seeing you in December!