“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” Abraham Maslow

As a kid, I was energetic, impatient, adaptable—when I wanted to be—stubborn, adventurous, loving, and outspoken with a little hint of awkwardness.

I had a lot of different friends throughout my life. I wasn’t popular but I didn’t eat lunch alone. I was the type of kid that smiled all the time because I thought that’s what people wanted from me. I thought that I had to be happy to be liked.

Throughout most of my life I would cloak my truths in an array of disguises so I wouldn’t have to face who I was but rather try to perfect who people wanted me to be—the loyal, always happy, non-spastic, and courageous friend—life went on and I buried myself deeper.

Cancer? Yeah, I had three different cancers. I could talk to you about what type, when I got them, and how they hurt me. I could also tell you that after my cancers, I switched careers and began working at a cancer nonprofit in D.C. because I was okay with what I went through and wanted to give back. But those are all just details; facts based on real events. I was always great at sharing the facts that would sit on the surface. It was easy. People would ask, “How are you?” and I would reply “It’s tough but I’ll be okay.” And that was the truth, but not the whole truth.

So, I smiled, I laughed, I even cried—a little—but for the most part, I kept my true emotions and truths stuffed way, way down so I couldn’t even find them myself.

It wasn’t until I attended A Fresh Chapter’s 2017 Peru Odyssey that I was able to comprehend the impact of years of hiding my truths.

I spent years avoiding vulnerability with myself and my loved ones because I couldn’t face my own true reality. Because of my experience with AFC and the courage of the once complete strangers that were part of the program with me—who have now become a fierce Tribe,* a family—I was able to find a safe space to hit the rock bottom realization that I needed to grow.

In 2017, at the age of 40, I came out to my family as gay. I kept it in for decades, unwilling to be honest with myself about who I was and what I really wanted in life. Instead, I invested all of my energy into ensuring everyone around me was ok. The first group of people outside of my family that I came out to was my Peru Tribe.

By the time I attended the program, I was emotionally exhausted. I’d spent so many years in hiding-paralyzed with fear that my world wouldn’t accept me for who I was. It was during a session on vulnerability that I realized I had to find a way to be honest with myself about who I was in order to understand the reward of true vulnerability. I’m still working on it. If I am being honest with myself and with you reading this, this is the third iteration of this blog I’ve written because I was fearful of not being honest enough. But, I’m doing it. I’m stripping away the paint and all the bullshit.

During one of our AFC workshops, Terri spoke about the researcher Brené Brown (if you don’t know her, definitely look her up) and would often quote her. I remember pretending I knew who she was, saying something like, “Oh yeah, I love her.” I didn’t know who she was—but I do now. She researches and talks a lot about shame and vulnerability, and how they intertwine. It’s fascinating.

I want to share two things. First, a couple of quotes from Brené Brown that I discovered since the AFC program. If you have ever felt like I did about vulnerability and shame, I hope these help you:

“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” “People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.”

Second, I am now happily married. To a woman I respect, love deeply, and can be one hundred percent truthful, awkward, outspoken, and stubborn with. I no longer feel shame. Now, I am proud of who I am.

I am forever grateful for the work of AFC and to my Tribe for providing a space for honesty and vulnerability.

Cassie joined the Melanoma Research Foundation (MRF) in 2014. As Senior Advocacy Officer, Cassie leads the organization’s advocacy efforts to mobilize advances in policy,  federal funding, and regulatory issues while representing and engaging the interest of the melanoma community. She is a member of and serves on the steering committee for the National Council of Skin Cancer Prevention (NCSCP).  She is Co-Chair for the NCSCP’s Skin Smart Campus Initiative and is a member of the Public Access to Sunscreen (PASS) Coalition. Having had three cancers – stage IIIC melanoma, acute lymphoblastic leukemia, and squamous cell carcinoma, Cassie brings with her an incredible passion to work towards better outcomes and quality of life for patients, caregivers, and their loved ones.

*As of January 2022, the A Fresh Chapter community has transitioned away from using the word “tribe”. To learn about our history with the word, what words we use now, and our reasons for making this change, read more from AFC Founder and CEO Terri Wingham: We Will No Longer Be Using the Word Tribe and Here’s Why.