Confessions of Losing My Voice…
|
Terri Wingham is the founder and CEO of A Fresh Chapter, a cancer survivor, and someone who believes that we are not defined by the most difficult aspects of our story. |
I didn’t even know I’d lost my way.
The second half of 2014 felt like an endless boxing match. Round after round of losses, setbacks, and disappointments.
The worst part? I stopped writing. I stopped sharing stories with you because I got caught up in being the face of the foundation. We need funding to launch innovative programs and I got lost in how I “should” show the world our perfectly pulled together presence. I shouldn’t show doubts or disappointments. After all, I didn’t know who might be reading…
But, as I stepped out of the ring over the holidays, I finally understood why I felt so depleted. I’d lost my voice and my joie de vivre. I had foregone the writing that brings me joy in order to write grants and donor appeals. Yes, those proposals need to be written, but that kind of writing doesn’t light me up. It doesn’t illicit comments from a community of fellow big dreamers.
It’s time to return to the joy I discovered when I wrote my first blog post in August 2010. Back then, I didn’t worry about what I “should” or “shouldn’t” say. I laboured over each post like an artist perfecting her craft. Although I don’t have the time to write like I once did, I can make the time to lose myself in the blank canvas and blinking cursor of each new post. I can be honest with you and hope it helps you feel less alone in your journey to starting fresh.
You are why I write. You are why I began to believe that big dreams were possible. It was your comments and your willingness to share your dreams that helped me cling to the cliffs of uncertainty and climb into the unknown. It was you that made it possible for me to spend six weeks volunteering in Africa, to conceive of an audacious plan of volunteering in 7 countries around the world, and to begin an organization that helps those impacted by cancer begin a fresh chapter through both international and domestic programs.
You are the reason why I want to get back to sharing the real story. It’s not always a pretty one, but when I can steal away for these moments with only my laptop and a cup of coffee, I feel alive again. Knowing you are reading this and pausing to reflect on your life is why I write. Thank you for showing up, even after I lost my way.
My wish is that we all have a year filled with love for who we are, what we do, and who we surround ourselves with; joy for those quiet moments when we feel lit up by life again; and peace enough to know that no matter what life throws at us, we will be alright.
I’d love to hear from you. Can you relate to losing your voice or your way? What do you want more of in your life this 2015? Please share your comments below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you want to receive updates from A Fresh Chapter, you can join us on Twitter, Facebook, or get posts delivered directly to your inbox. Thanks for spreading the word and helping our tribe grow. Every day we’re reinventing what is possible in our lives.
If you are have been impacted by cancer and want to join us for an international or local program, click here to learn more about how to participate in a Fresh Chapter Alliance Foundation Program. Our next group of participants will be joining us in India in March, but we have big plans to pilot our first program in Africa in 2015. Maybe you will be joining us?
Comments (19)
Yes!!! Never give up your authentic voice. That’s why so many people support you – and why your funders are interested in your innovative approach.
Thank you Cecily! It feels great to be back. I got lost behind wearing too many hats, but there is always room for what brings us joy and connects us to other members of our tribe. So happy to have you in this community!
….it’s a long road…but so many will be soooo grateful….they just may not know it yet!! Thank you, Terri for your “true grit” in traveling that long road!
Thank you Derene! 2015 is our year. I feel it. Thank you for being part of the journey. I wouldn’t have wanted to travel it without you.
I’d noticed your absence but I assumed you were busy roaming the world. I hope to do more blogging this year as well. Let it all out, lady! 😉
Thanks Kathay! It has been a busy year but not enough space for storytelling. Glad to hear that you’re going to get back to blogging too! Hope you’re well:)
Welcome back! I understand getting lost. I’m in the process of finding my way out. Rediscovery of who I am is tough. It easy to robotically go through the paces of my paying job, being a mom and managing a household, all while sleep deprived and on the edge of succumbing to a cold. But rediscovering what makes me tick? what I need? what I want? what my dreams are? Those questions are answered with a blank stare and fear. I’m not there yet. I’m working on it. That’s my 2015 goal.
Kim – Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing where you are. Rediscovery IS tough. I think Pema Chodron says it best when she says, “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” I’m right there beside you. Terri
It takes lots of courage to stay silent snd more courage to speak up
Thank you for sharing your world with us with so much honesty.
In the pseudo mechanical world, few live and think for others
March on Terri … You bring a smile to many
Best wishes and look forward to meeting you in this part of the world
Richha – Always so wonderful to hear from you. Thank you for your comment and the work that you do. We will both march on. xo
I’m with ya! Fell into a rut this fall with pregnancy sickness, hormones, depression, etc. Boo for that (but yay for pregnancy of course!) It’s empowering to take charge and figure out the steps needed to rediscover yourself after coming out of a rut. Love you and always grateful for your candid voice. Here’s to a great, authentic 2015 🙂 Beast
Beast! I’m thrilled for you and so happy to hear your voice. I had no idea baby#2 was on the way. Congratulations. Here’s to owning the rut and the journey beyond it. Love you back and yes to an authentic and wonderful 2015. xoxo
Your voice has reawakened mine. As I type on the keyboard this morning, I feel my energy, my vigor, my passion, my love all beginning to flow through me again… I feel my intensity being stoked like new logs on an old fire. Like the other replies you have already received, you’ve not only warmed us all with your voice but invigorated others to share theirs and restoke their own fires. It is not about the work OR the writing. It is about both. One fresh chapter leads to the next… bless you!
http://theendoflinearity.com/the-love-of-my-life-shadows-3/
Thank you soul brother. I know big things await both of us in 2015 and I’m glad to have people like you walking the path with me. T
How often in life do we as women lose our voice? How often do we lose our way? When we’re young or in a new relationship? When life comes at you full force and we’re trying to juggle a job, a relationship/marriage, kids, family, friends, etc. We put our nose to the grindstone and try to keep juggling while we constantly put ourselves last. I thought that my cancer diagnosis would mean everyone would put me first. In some respect it did, but there were so many times that I struggled during the course of my treatment. Afraid to talk about my pains and fears. Even while I was at my most vulnerable, I hesitated voicing what I truly felt, again because I put the other persons feelings before mine. Is it genetic coding or someing else that makes us the jugglers of SO many hats? And, more importantly, how do we change and not fall into our same patterns again?
I’d lovemto hear how others regain their voice.
Maria – Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Really appreciated hearing your voice! Terri
I LOVE THIS
Thank you Sara!
[…] this year, I promised to tell you the truth about the highs and lows of building the foundation. So, even though it makes me squirm to be so […]