When you die, that does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live. So, live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you. That’s also very, very important. I can’t do this “don’t give up” thing all by myself. ~Stuart Scott

Imagine sitting across from your doctor and hearing the words: Stage 4. No cure. To know that the dreams you had to travel the globe, grow old with the one you love, or watch your daughter walk down the aisle might disappear simply because cancer cells are running rampant through your body.

I have watched too many vibrant, talented, funny, smart, and generous friends struggle against the disease and then depart for what I can only hope is a better place. These losses have strengthened the dream to create more opportunities for anyone – regardless of their stage of disease – to feel like a valued and supported member of our tribe. As Melissa Carroll taught me, starting a fresh chapter doesn’t have anything to do with how long we live. It has everything to do with finding opportunities to do more of what lights us up. When we do more of what fills us with joy; we touch lives, build legacies, find kindred spirits, and shine a light on the world.

If my cancer returned tomorrow and I departed for the great unknown, I would not want you to remember me for the disease. I would want you to remember me for how I lived. The wild adventures. The friendships. The writing. The volunteering. The conversations we shared over a glass of wine or a long flight.

I refuse to remember my friends for their cancer stories. Melissa will always be an artist, Tikvah a mountain climber with an infectious laugh, Dawn a big picture thinker who could turn problems into solutions, and Maureen an architect, a mother and the love of her husband’s life.

We are not our cancer, but I can imagine that living with the challenges of treatment and side effects every day could sometimes make it feel that way. We need to do more to build community and redefine possibility and legacy to support those living with advanced cancer. Our vision for the FCAF Legacy Program is a place where cancer is not the leading story, but those living with cancer will get the support they need to navigate the obstacles and challenges it presents. A place to grieve what has been lost, connect with others who understand, and discover opportunities for new joy. We want to help our participants tell the whole story and not just the patient story.

We plan to start with a customized program for the metastatic breast cancer community, which we hope to launch in Los Angeles later this year. It all starts with our event on January 24, 2015 (details below). Anyone is welcome to join us in the garden and those living with advanced breast cancer are invited to join our focus group/design session. Even if you don’t live in LA, if you are part of the advanced cancer community, we would love you to join the conversation. We have audacious dreams of expanding this to other cancers and regions across North America and we want to deliver what will best serve our community..