Holding Space:  a practice of compassionate listening. The ability to sit and witness someone’s story without editorializing, commenting or trying to fix or change it.

Finding a “new normal”

When diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2009, my whole life changed. It was what some called my new normal. Why would I want a new normal at the age of 43? New normal meant living with breast cancer for the rest of my life because metastatic breast cancer (MBC) is treatable, not curable. New normal meant chemo, pre-meds, doctor visits, MRIs, CT scans, MUGA scans, treatment centers, doctors, nurses, oncologist and, oh, clinical trials. Adapting to cancer was not easy for me. I lost my mom to MBC in 2004 and never really understood what breast cancer meant or what effect it would have on my life, until I was diagnosed.

I learned that self-care is important, that I must take care of myself first before I can give anyone else 100% of my time.

India Odyssey

I learned about A Fresh Chapter through another MBC patient on Facebook, applying and getting accepted to the India 2016 Odyssey program. Even though I didn’t know what the mission of A Fresh Chapter was, I wanted to learn more. I wanted to know how AFC could make me a better person and a better advocate. This trip would not only change my life but give me an even greater calling.

In India, I experienced love from children who had no clue who I was. They only knew I was there out of LOVE. I met cancer survivors and caregivers who accepted me for who I am, despite my diagnosis. I learned that self-care is very important to survival. Also, I learned the tool of HOLDING SPACE. I had no clue what this meant. Once I found out, it became an integral part of how I interact with people, especially my family and friends.  

Why holding space is necessary

When we HOLD SPACE for someone, we acknowledge their most intimate feelings. My first reaction when I speak with someone is to invade their personal space. Once we invade their space, we instantly shut the feelings of the person off. It takes away from what the person is trying to reveal, or it turns off their feelings and invalidates what they are trying to express. It is not an easy tool to grasp, at first, especially with someone we love. But it is so necessary.

Often, I ask my tribe to continue to HOLD SPACE for me, through this cancer journey and life. I am still learning and am teaching myself how to be a better friend/tribe member to those I love. That trip to India showed me that the IMPOSSIBLE is not out of reach. I needed the strength and resiliency from others to continually redirect my negative thoughts into positive energy. I thank Terri for creating a platform where cancer patients/caregivers can thrive, learn and relax. A Fresh Chapter gave me a whole new meaning of what cancer cannot do. It may have tried to take my body, but it cannot take my JOY. JOY comes from within, and I thank A Fresh Chapter for giving me back my JOY.  

Reflecting on ReFresh

Being a part of the ReFresh Program gave me a better understanding of what my life purpose is and what GOD has intended for me. I love telling others about A Fresh Chapter and how the many programs offered helped me become a better me. I always thought I had to be everywhere, all the time, helping someone. Through ReFresh, I learned that self-care is important, that I must take care of myself first before I can give anyone else 100% of my time. I also learned that it’s OK to say no. Learning how to invest in myself and give myself time to breathe and relax has helped me be a better person to Sheila. In the end, that’s all that matters.

Sheila McGlown is a fellow of the Kenya Global Emerging Leaders Program. “It was an honor to be chosen for the AFC Global Emerging Leaders Program.  I was diagnosed with MBC in 2009 and didn’t think I would live long enough to enjoy life as I know it now.” Sheila is also a mother, wife, 25-year Air Force Veteran, daughter, friend, survivor, advocate and A Fresh Chapter India Tribe 2016.