A year of highs and lows

An opportunity came my way in late 2018 to attend ReFresh Experience for Cancer Advocates. I was excited but far too distracted to absorb the prospect of attending this program offered by A Fresh Chapter. I experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows in 2018: the birth of a new grandchild, a national award recognizing my professional work as an advocate, moving to a new state, and the death of my father, all at the top of the list for both stress and absolute love and joy in life. 

These events set the stage for me to be a perfect candidate for the ReFresh Experience for Cancer Advocates. The organization began sending emails for planning and logistics to meet in San Francisco in early April 2019. To be honest, as time approached, I became doubtful, not convinced I was emotionally prepared for the unknown. I knew I had been through a lot the previous year. I was also forging ahead with the growth of my foundation and advocacy work, grappling with the workload it entailed. How could I take time off and not let that slip? What was this program going to offer me to benefit my advocacy work and examine how it affected my personal growth in life and in the cancer community? 

Stepping out of our daily roles

Enter the patient advocate to ReFresh Experience for Cancer Advocates and “Redefining what is possible in San Francisco, California.” We commenced on a Sunday afternoon with our initial meet and greet. The group was small, making it intimate, casual, but manageable and not overwhelming. The leaders were professionally savvy yet warm and approachable. There was a diverse group, both caregivers and survivors of various types of cancer. The variety made it both eye opening and, at the same, time unifying. We understood each other well before our personal introductions.

We began our four-day adventure by stepping out of our daily roles and into a different world of survivorship–homelessness. We spent the morning working in the Tenderloin Neighborhood of downtown San Francisco at The Glide. Each of us worked in the kitchen, serving hot meals to the homeless. As I filled the trays with food, I watched a variety of people sit at the table to get their morning meal. I sat speechless and fully observational, wondering what each of these human beings held as their personal story. It gave us the opportunity to see how a large city handles a high population of homeless individuals, a fascinating process indeed!

Peeling back the layers

We loaded the vans, after our Monday morning in San Francisco to travel north into the Redwood Forest, a stark contrast from our inner-city surroundings. We were housed in a beautiful, 14,000 square foot historic retreat center. There were enough rooms for each of us to have our own private space and bedroom. This was an important component, because the days ahead were going to be what I now call, “peeling back the layers.” We needed time at the end of our emotionally charged days to be alone, quiet, and reflective.

What I want others to know about my own experience was the level of trust I built with the leaders and attendees. The rooms and walls of this retreat center became sacred space for us all. We confronted and spoke from the heart and with intimacy about two very important aspects in our lives:

• How do we maintain full respect of ourselves and the work we do as advocates without reaching burnout? Peeling back the layers.
• What strength, energy, and resources will I hold firmly to from this new “tribe” of fellow advocates to energize and improve my own work as an advocate? Building back the layers, even stronger!

I will continue to hold these connections, these new friends, and our experience as sacred, lifelong, and lifechanging. I am grateful for my ReFresh experience as a patient advocate.

Terri Coutee is a two-time breast cancer survivor. After her double mastectomy and successful breast reconstruction in 2014, she opened the nonprofit organization DiepCFoundation.org. She provides personal stories through her blog at DiepCJourney.com and educational videos with medical professionals and other survivors at DiepC Foundation.