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“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”

The phrase “daring greatly” is from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, “Citizenship in a Republic.” It was recently popularized by the researcher, speaker, and TED Talk sensation, Brene Brown. She says, about the above passage, “This is vulnerability. Everything I’ve learned from over a decade of research on vulnerability has taught me this exact lesson. Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in. ”

We live in a world where we are trained from an early age to “armor up” and never show weakness. When I came across Brene Brown’s work in 2010, her sense of humor and perspective on ‘building connections through the willingness to be vulnerable’ rocked my world.

Like many of us, I grew up with a seductive – and mostly unconscious – notion that if I could line up all of the pieces of my life “just so,” I would feel safe and happy.  I hustled to never let people down, to work harder, to be thinner, and to keep up with the polished for perfection” lives I saw on Facebook. Then, cancer happened, and everything fell apart. The masks I wore crumbled and I found myself sobbing in my Vancouver apartment because I didn’t know who I was or how I fit into my old life anymore.

Perhaps, like me, cancer has made you vulnerable in ways you could never have imagined. Whether it’s losing your hair, watching a loved one suffer, facing fears of death, or dealing with changes in your body and wondering how you will feel independent again, cancer is a one-way ticket into a land rich with vulnerability. Even the willingness to share when you’re not ok, in a world filled with the pressure to act ok, can be incredibly difficult.

As my world was crashing around me in 2010, a new friend sent me Brene’s TED talk and it revolutionized the way I saw perfection and vulnerability. It shed light on how something as traumatic as cancer might open the door to building new connections and approaching my story differently.

Brene says, “I believe that vulnerability – the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome – is the only path to more love, belonging, and joy.”

What if she’s right? What if courage isn’t about being perfectly strong and brave all the time? What if courage is, as Brene says, “the willingness to tell the story of who you really are with your whole heart?”

“As much as we might struggle with vulnerability, it is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.” ~ Brene Brown

What do you think about vulnerability? Has the experience of cancer changed your relationship to it?

You have already practiced leaning into vulnerability by applying to participate in an A Fresh Chapter program exploring the first two themes in our Discover Series: Transforming Adversity Into Possibility & Choosing How You Want To Feel. We will continue to explore this theme of leaning into vulnerability throughout the rest of your Odyssey Program. Volunteering can feel vulnerable. Traveling outside your comfort zone can feel vulnerable. Sharing your story can feel vulnerable. And yet, all of these experiences can become a catalyst for developing new and meaningful connections. A catalyst to helping you find a way to move forward and step into your fresh chapter.

Activity

This theme’s activity is to carve out 20 minutes to watch this TED Talk: Brene Brown & The Power Of Vulnerability

Then, jot down a few notes about what stands out for you. What do you like about her theory? What makes you uncomfortable? Why? You may decide you like her approach or you don’t. By getting curious about why you will start to see clues to better understand yourself.