Integrate #2: Holding Space
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Integrate: Home
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1: Find Comfort
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2: Hold Space
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3: Create Ease
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4: Practice Intention
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5: Get Curious
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6: Be Vulnerable
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7: Live in Contradiction
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8: Explore Possibility
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9: Practice Ease
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10: Empower Change
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11: Stay Connected
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12: Your Fresh Chapter
Integrate Series #2: Holding Space
One of the fundamental concepts of A Fresh Chapter is Holding Space.
When we first introduced this concept, we shared the spectrum between pity and compassion (see below). We talked about the different situations where we might have experienced or shown pity, sympathy, empathy, and compassion.
Even though we know that it might not feel great to receive pity or sympathy, many of us have spent a lifetime learning how to be empathetic. As we said when we were together, empathy is wonderful and some situations absolutely warrant it. But, sometimes when we are empathetic, we are only half-listening to someone’s story because we are simultaneously reaching back into our mental filing cabinet to find our own similar story to share.
Pity ————————————> Sympathy———————-> Empathy———————–> Compassion
Holding space – truly being a compassionate witness to someone’s story without attempting to fix or comment on it – can be very difficult. When we did the Iceberg Activity, we practiced an extreme version of holding space. In your daily life holding space might look quite different. As we discussed, holding space doesn’t mean that you never comfort someone with a hug, give suggestions, or offer supportive words. Sometimes comforting someone is absolutely needed. The biggest takeaway when it comes to holding space is to think about what the other person needs vs. what you want to give.
Now that you’ve been home for a little while, how has it felt for you to bring this concept back into your life at home? Have you felt relieved to connect with people who naturally hold space and perhaps found it trickier with people who naturally want to fix or comfort you?
Activity
Does it feel a bit overwhelming to teach the concept of holding space to someone else?
Perhaps instead of expecting people to understand what it means to hold space for you, you could practice holding space for someone else. Why not explain that you want to give someone in your life the space to talk about whatever is on his or her mind. Be sure to share that you don’t want it to seem like you’re not comforting them but are giving them a chance to simply be heard.
Later, perhaps you could ask him or her if they liked having space held for them and/or what they may have wanted instead. By practicing curiosity, we can better learn to support the people around us and hopefully encourage them to be curious about how to support you.
Write or Create
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There is no right way to tackle the reflection prompts below. You can answer any, all, or none of the questions. You can either write the answers in a more traditional journaling format (either in a physical journal or an online journal) or you could explore the creative process of art journaling. Other options are to sit down with someone in your life or connect with someone in your tribe and ask these questions of each other. Whatever reflection mode you choose, you are welcome to answer any, all, or none of the questions. This is simply an opportunity to carve out some time to reflect and see what emerges.
- How does it feel different to hold space for people who haven’t learned the concept?
- Has my ability to hold space for others changed? If so, how?
- Who in my life is naturally good at holding space?
- How can I continue to connect with my tribe in terms of holding space for each other?